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And now for more Tales...From...the Retirement...Village!

Hello my lovelies,

Before we jump into the good stuff, I have 3 things to share:

1. I have a newsletter now. Sign up and be entered to win all future contests and stay up to date with all my news so you never again miss an announcement/new release/contest/promotion/etc: http://bit.ly/14LILWb

2. Hicklebee's still has a few signed hardcovers of "Of Beast and Beauty." It's never too early grab a holiday gift for a loved one... So click the link, add OBAB to you cart and put "signed stock" in the notes at checkout: http://bit.ly/1eZEMqK

3. Have you copy and pasted your blog/goodread's review to Amazon/BN yet? If not, please please do take a moment to do so. It really helps "Of Beast and Beauty" move up in the search engines and get in front of more readers (and the book needs that boost, since it isn't in many brick and mortar stores). You don't have to have purchased the book on those sites, just create an account and copy and paste and win my eternal gratitude. Here's the amazon link to get you started: http://amzn.to/13DsJJn

Okay! So! For anyone who hasn't been following this series of blog posts, here's the scoop:

The back story: I was visiting/living with my mother for the first 1/3 of the summer. She lives in a retirement village, a 20,000 acre gated community inhabited by old people (mostly), who enjoy nothing more than eating dinner at 4 p.m., being suspicious of outsiders, reporting Village Covenant violations, getting angry when people drive through the entrance gate without giving their name, and playing golf. Lots and lots of golf. And also sometimes being crazy and driving very slow. It is a funny/disturbing/awesome/strange place.

It also has the most hysterical police reports ever. And because my mother is a peach and appreciates/helped foster my sick sense of humor, she has continued to send me clippings every week. *basks in the glow of motherly love*

And because I love you, I share these tales...

From the "Hot Springs Village Voice" April, 16 and 23, 2013 (Mom has been sending me scraps from the old newspapers she's hoarded in her reading room, which is awesome.)

"An officer on patrol located trash dumped at Cortez Pavilion. The officer picked up the dumped bags and placed them in a dumpster."

(This is the kind of police force I'd want my loved one to work for. You've got to love it when throwing away trash is a news-worthy event.)

"An XXX Lane resident complained of a barking dog. As the officer exited his vehicle to investigate, a fox being chased by a dog went by. The officer was unable to catch the dog."

(Ditto on fox being chased by dog=news. It's so cute I can almost hear the perky banjo music playing in my head.)

"Multiple officers attempted to contain a cow which had wandered on to XXXX Blvd. The off property owner of the cow was located and the potential traffic hazard contained."

(*dies from the country awesomeness*)

"A resident reported rock thieves on XXXX Road. An officer located a tree-service truck in the area performing contracted work."

(Finally, some real suspected almost not-really crime to report. You can't be too careful around potential rock thieves, as they are probably the most dangerous thieves of all.)

"A XXXX Lane resident gave an officer a bag of CDs and a piece of speaker wire, saying that she didn't want them in her house. The woman couldn't or wouldn't say who the CDs belong to, saying only that the police chief and a named detective knew "what's going on" and that she'd contact them later. As the officer started to leave, the woman demanded that he give her a dog treat. When the officer responded, "I don't have dog treats on my person," the woman opened a drawer, took out a dog treat, handed it to the officer and instructed him to give it to the dog. The officer did so and left."


Thank you so much for joining me for another installment of "Tales from the Retirement" village, and have kick-ass amazing Tuesday for me.



Just so you know, police are indeed called for loose cows. I have been awoken at 2AM by police tossing rocks at my window. It would have been romantic, if not for the part where he shined a flashlight in my eyes and let me know that our cows were in the street.

True story.
LOL! I love it. Ah, the country life...